Cracked Out Cell Phone...

You may remember that I recently got a new cell phone. It's my reason for admitting that I'm a big hypocrite. It's also the reason I started texting more, and I love it. Ok, I did until this morning. Now I'm not so sure.

Last Friday they announced at work that we can no longer have our cell phones on the workroom floor. So as long as I'm at the post office and not on my route I have to keep my phone in my locker, which sucks. I rarely talk on the phone while I sort my mail, but I like to make sure I have it close in case of an emergency. If someone were to call the post office chances are the phone would just ring and ring, or they would get a busy signal. That's just a fact, you can't get through. So now I have to check my phone as soon as I leave to go out on the route to make sure I didn't miss anything important.

Today I checked my phone and it said I had a missed call from C. I thought it was a little strange, seeing as how C is a friend from high school who only has my number because we met up while I was in IA last year. I usually get a text from him, a random joke type thing, about once a week, which is completely fine now that I have unlimited texting.

Here's where I am going to either completely make an ass out of myself, or you're going to think I'm a huge weirdo.

I sent him a text asking if he called me. I am not the kind of person who can just ignore something like a missed call if it's from someone I know. After I sent the text I started thinking. Then I looked back, and there was no missed call. Just a text. So then I have to send a follow up text, explaining how my phone said it was a missed call. I was so freaking embarrassed.

You know how when you have a good friend but then you don't see them for 10 years you don't know if they have the same sense of humor as they used to? I'm pretty sure this person has the same sense of humor, but I am so paranoid that I spent way too much time thinking about this stupid texting thing. I spent so much time thinking about it that I came up with a little conversation I would have with my crackhead phone.


Me: What are you on crack? Why would you say I had a missed call instead of a text?


Phone: Um.....cause I thought it would be funny. I'm not on crack, I just like to smoke a little pot now and then.


Me: Are you crazy?

Phone: No you are if you're making up conversations with your phone.

Me: Yeah, obviously I am, but why would you tell me the wrong thing anyway?

Phone: Cause I think it's funny. I like to see you get all embarrassed.

Me: I think I'm going to take you back to the store and get a different phone.....one that doesn't do drugs.

I've mentioned before about how paranoid I am. I don't think I can even explain it.

The internet makes me paranoid about things that I probably wouldn't even consider if I didn't have an obsession with my computer. Not the kind of paranoid like I think people are stalking me. Well, ok, maybe one person, but that actually has some merit, if you only knew the whole story....

It's the kind of thing that I wonder if someone is going to think I'm a total nutball if I request to be their friend on Facebook, and then never send them a message or anything because I think they will wonder why I want to say anything to them after not seeing them for years and years.
Or if I send someone an e-mail and they don't respond right away, I start thinking that they are probably blowing me off.

This also extends to phone calls. I have to answer the phone when it rings. Unless the caller ID says 800 service, or something that looks like a telemarketing number, I have to answer it. I'm starting to get better about it, but really.....

I know that some people actually don't carry their phones on them at all times, but if I call someone a couple of times (I will usually only leave a message one time), and they don't call me back in a day or two I tend to think they're blowing me off. Don't ask me why, I can't figure it out. I think it's because I automatically check my phone to see if I have any missed calls, and if it's someone I know I'll call them back right away. (I have no life, and I'm making that glaringly obvious here aren't I?) So I'll get all freaked out and worried if I call someone and if I call too many times will they think I'm a psycho-stalker? How many times/how often is too much?

So now you all probably know a little more than you wanted to about what goes on inside my head. I'll understand if you ask me to get rid of your phone number now.