The edge of reason...

I'm on the edge. I've been joking for a few days that I'm going to have a mental break. How much stress can a person take before they just lose it?

I used to say I had the best job in the world. I also believed it. Where else can you go in whenever you get there (early, late whenever) as long as you're done by 5:00. Where else can you go home when you get your work done and get paid for the whole day. Sounds great, huh? Plus you have the added benefits of working without anyone bothering you for the most part, and listen to your iPod while you work, talk to someone, take a break, run home cause you forgot something, just a really relaxed place to work. Good benefits. Good retirement.

Lately they couldn't pay me to invite people to work there. There are a lot of factors, mostly just stupid stuff. The last couple of years trying to get a vacation approved was a really big pain in the a$$. Seriously, our last vacation we didn't even know until the week right before we left if Seth actually got approved or not, for his own sister's wedding! It makes buying plane tickets miserable, to buy or not to buy?

Now I have a 7 day paper suspension in my file. For too many unscheduled absences. I have 2 kids! They go to daycare! We only have one person who can watch the kids for us, and she has a life too, plus, they're my kids! Besides all that, I really haven't missed all that much work. Really. They are calling in people who've been gone 2 times this year. 3 times and they get a letter, 4 means suspension (on paper just means it's in your file, you don't actually get the time off).

I filed a grievance with the union, so we'll see if I can get that suspension thrown out. I hope so, because I don't think my kids will be going away anytime soon. If the post office was really smart they would have their own daycare centers, with sick rooms. I would even pay for it. Just gimme a place I can take my kids, 6 days a week, same schedule as me, and have a sick room, is that too much to ask? Heck, they're talking about taking away routes, they could use some of those people they will have to be paying anyway to watch the kids. I'm a genius!

On top of that, I've had to file for FMLA since Hunter was sick. The lady from the office called me and by the time I was done talking to her I wanted to cram the phone down her throat. She bacically told me that even though Hunter had several dr. appointments, went to the ER 2 times, and had all kinds of tests, he has to have some kind of chronic condition for it to be considered an FMLA condition. She sent me the papers back so I can go pay another $15 to have my dr. fill them out again.

While I'm dealing with all this stuff at work, I'm also dealing with 2 whiny, grumpy kids, and that other stuff at home. No one said it would be easy. Sometimes I just wonder what I'm supposed to do. I don't really want advice from anyone who hasn't been directly in my situation before. I don't know what to say, who to talk to, or how to actually accomplish anything. It's really frustrating. I just feel inadequate all the time. I feel like I'm holding my breath and waiting for something to happen. I know I can't go back to the way things were before. It's like being on a plane in a holding pattern with a lot of turbulance. I'm freaking out. All the time. Even when there's nothing to be freaked out about. It's my fear of the unknown that has me the most freaked out.

I know I need to talk to someone. Talking about serious stuff is hard for me. Writing is so much easier. When I talk I usually wind up crying and you can't even understand what I'm saying. I can't seem to stop these days. I'm NOT a crier. I HATE it.

Then sometimes I feel even worse for thinking this stuff is really that bad. Everywhere people are dealing with much worse things than this. Really. I know, I'm weird. Can't help it. I know I'll get through this. I just needed to vent. Thank you for taking the time to read (if you're still here.)